the voice that moves me lately

not to mention the lovely eyes of Sondre Lerche, so I did a little radio scrobbling and loved EVERY other artist they played similar, listen while you read:

So inspired by music and my fabulous friend in LA i have come up with some incredible projects to work on and present shortly. First a 25 day personal makeover, physical and spiritual. Both of these are a struggle for me lately and they really should be the strong center point of my ever changing life. so getting these straight is in order.  more to come on those later.

Next, I am going to write a book.  I am coming up on the 10 year anniversary of something that has defined a part of my life longer than anything else. so they say write what you know. i know this and i know other people who will relate to it. i am still playing around with the format whether to fictionalize it as a novel or more of a memoir. maybe even a trendy graphic novel (HA!  no.). 

Tonight i saw a staged reading of a play that was so real, it almost made me uncomfortable. ok it definitely made me uncomfortable.  It is about relationship between a husband and wife and her desire to have an affair.  sounds like you've heard it before until you hear the dialogue in the middle of the play when he confronts her about her desire, they speak so frankly and relate in a faux friendly manner. He even says to her, "If you want to sleep with him, i just want to know." It was this line in the play that i think allowed her to pursue her desire and was the real turning point.  So he gives her this "permission" but the tension is still there and left lingering over the audience. Originally the playright left it ambiguous as to whether the affair actually happened or not, but in this staging the director chose to make the question more about whether she regretted her decision, or if it really damaged her relationship. It was really brilliant and it all came from a local writer in my hometown, Terry Roeuche.  It was called Discretion, and it was presented as part of the Create Carolina workshop at Winthrop University.  I can't wait to come home and see more of the art that is coming out of the place that i had always considered destitute in the way of art.  turns out i just didn't know where to look. 

Its almost disconcerting, in  a way. I have always separated my life as an artist from my growing up in this town, even to the point that i felt superior that i was interested in and involved in this art scene that was bigger than my town could ever imagine. It was totally an elitist attitude that has been crushed (and rightfully so). There is so much to learn here. It was wrong of me to say that I HAD to be in NY in order to learn anything about the art world.  I think that not only is this the perfect place to start, it is NECESSARY that I start here. From the beginning. The book is part of that.

So recap, today i was inspired, creative, inspired again as my ego was gratefully crushed, and exhilarated by the beauty in my hometown. Looking forward to being humbled even more.

paid

with a painting of myself. too pretentious? 

I don't care,  it is still a beautiful painting from a fabulous painter. I am proud to call it my own.

fantastic(al)

thanks to my lovely emails from the NY Times Urban Eye section, I discover something new and gorgeous going on in the city I love from here in my suburban jungle (greenville is suburb, I don't care what you say).  Today I found this artist to inspire me. Ch-ch-ch-check it out

He uses embroidery to "subvert" the traditional images in classic toile fabric (a preppy favorite here in southern decor and sometimes even fashion).  What would my mother say if she came home and her couch was covered in clowns instead of 18th century courtesans (not really much difference in my mind, but i think she might be upset!).

Golden

These pictures are of Mr and Mrs Herbert Reading Danenhower. My grandparents.  They look like movie stars and last night we celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary.  It was a great party (thanks to my mom, she is really the best hostess, Happy Mother's Day, Mom!) that started with a gathering at our house around 4:30, complete with the whole family and surprise guests for cocktails and hors d'oeuvres and lasted through dinner, dancing, and even some rock band until 2:30 am! 

Now even though I didn't make it as late as everyone else I had a great time before hand creating a video for them with pictures of their wedding, all their kids, grandkids, all the homes they lived in, and everything in between.  Looking through all those pictures made me appreciate the idea of memories and time spent with family.  Also, this may be a little vain, but my family is Gorgeous!  Just look at my mom.

This picture and others, especially the little medium format pictures (you know the old square ones with the white edge) made me really interested in buying a vintage camera like an old polaroid, or even one of the reproduction Holga lomographic things.  But look no further than my awesome dad and the attic!

my new pride and joy, kodak duaflex iv from the late fifties. complete with press type flash.  I have yet to see if it works but i ordered some film, so we will see soon! Also he thinks he might have an old video camera at work, the super 8 kind! I feel a new project coming on!

Daddy doesn't really understand my excitement about old stuff. I like getting back to basics lately, just living simpler.  I am always rebelling against something.  Maybe now I am rebelling against my gotta have it now generation.  Photography is the perfect example.  The newer the camera, the quicker you see what you have, and you can take any shitty composition and manipulate it later with editing software. Sure its handy and can produce something that looks nice, but where is the planning?  It seems to me that just as much as the digital age creates new opportunities for creativity, it also perpetuates procrastination and downplays the training and talent necessary to be truly original sometimes.  I love technology, I do. But sometimes it compromises art by passing something off as a piece of artwork when it really was just an automatic adjustment setting on photo shop.  This annoys me.  More later...

and hopefully photos too!

ps if anyone knows a good developer of vintage film let me know!

"Scotch neat"..."Double scotch neat"

I LOVE movies with redemptive themes. Especially ones that portray the most disgusting characters that even their mothers would find impossible to love, then life beats them to shit and then creates a turn of events so radical that you want to be their best friends. I think life is like that, people who are overcome things are so much more attractive.

ps there are lots of quotable moments from this movie, but i think my favorite is this:

"...he proclaims that he began to see a rhythm in everything... a pattern in the visual world around him.  You know, could SEE music."

encouraging thoughts with perfect timing

So i have been a little stressed out lately, mainly about money.  I am struggling to figure out how to live within my means and still enjoy life at my age.  And finding a job that pays more seems to be challenging in today's downward spiral of economic crisis.  So its really no wonder that my sleeping is fitful and anxiety level is super high.  But there are a few things that came to my attention yesterday that put a positive spin on things.

First, we received an email from the owner of the company yesterday with the most uplifting message.  She says that when she is fretting over something she clings to her husband's wise words: "Worrying is the opposite of creative thinking." Now for an artist, this alone had a loud resonance seeing that i cannot live without some sort of creative outlet each day.  But she went on to explain even further why this is true: "worrying constricts the blood vessels in the brain while creative thinking opens them up, allowing the blood to flow, carrying precious oxygen to all parts of the body, so that we function at our greatest potential."

She also encouraged us to think of the motto of the Outward Bound program, "The only way to get out of it, is to get into it." Get into what? Well for this wonderful lady, it was her passion to help the people of mexico, to share the joy of her finding treasures on her travels with other people and to build an awesome family business.  I admire her and her creative vision so much.  We aren't just schlepping jewelry, we are making little differences in the world everyday.

So what do I have to "get into" in order to get out of my funk? I have to get back to the one thing that has always been my constant stronghold. My faithful Lord.  Psalm 94:18-19 is a passage of great rejoicing in the the comfort of the Lord:

"When I said, 'my foot is slipping,'

your love, O LORD, supported me.

When anxiety was great within me,

your consolation brought joy to my soul."

These verses serve as a constant reminder to me that no matter what is wrong I don't have to be afraid to ask for help, i just have to do it! And getting into it doesn't mean i make million or change the world today, today it means the little things in preparation for the big stuff.... cleaning, grocery shopping, paying bills, working out. I have to get this stuff out of the way so I can change the world tomorrow!

Invigorating

I am spending the weekend visiting one of my favorite places to call home and am just feeling truly full of love.  I have been here about 25 hours and every minute has been filled with sharing stories of the last year with people I really care about and who care about me.

I am staying with four of the greatest women I have ever met.  I learned what living really means with these girls.  It doesn't matter when or where I see them they never fail to invigorate and inspire me with their faith, passion, interests, commitments.  this is them:

(sorry, I found this picture somewhere i don't remember and I like to picture myself in pink seat!) photo cred: B.Mollenkof

Coming back makes me realize how much I took for granted in my former higher elevation habitat.  Conversations that shape your life happen every few hours.  A person who you will know forever is around each corner.  Music that thrills your soul is played in live, impromptu mini concerts on a nice afternoon. The colors here are more vibrant, even the gray fog. Plus... you are blessed with a generous helping of homemade pancakes on Saturday morning. Why did I ever leave?