My Paper is Due Tomorrow

In the silence

my eyes are burning from too much screen time

and not enough progress.

Watching headlights pass by through a mirrored window on the second floor

my own procrastinating face reflects back at me.

Someone laughs, and then apologizes.

I LOVE...

"There is such a thing as a creative reservoir within, the more you work the more you have access to it." - Peter Max

...MY NEW JOB! I get to spend my day learning about and telling others about some really fabulous artwork. AND meeting the artists when we have shows. P-L-U-S, I work with some super smart beautiful people who are just plain wonderful and I can't wait to know them better.

I ALSO LOVE living at home (geesh, really?) I mean, it may still be the honeymoon period but it is so nice to know that when i get home, there will be people there who want to hear about my day and I want to her about their days too.  its nice. Try it.

What is sad is the Co is leaving for school tonight, and due to crazy schedules (f/t job + internship + grad school) I most likely won't see him until Thanksgiving.  Boo. He's a cool kid, I will miss him lots.

 

closing time and party time

this is what my room looks like:

because tomorrow I am moving! It has been a little sad this week, saying goodbye to friends and work and freedom but I LOVE change so i am WAY excited about the move and the new travaille and GRAD SCHOOL. So this is how I feel like:

and I would like to dedicate this to my brother who LOVES this song! don't deny it, Co.

So bring it on Charlotte! I just "got to give it up"

Paulie's back!

Yesterday was one of the happiest of my life.  I got a new job AND when i was packing I found my missing fave paul simon cd!  blissful ;)

Crayons

One of my favorite cliches is "not the brightest crayon in the box."  I use it enough to be labeled as judgmental (seriously, who isn't a little judgmental these days?). But, I just realized that it was not too long ago when I felt it described me. I wouldn't say it about myself now, so what changed?That got me thinking about the different boxes we place ourselves in (relative to intelligence or education).  Growing up, I think I was in the typical classic box of colors, but going to a small private school it was definitely an 8 pack and not the 64 (that was the large public school in town).  And in that classic pack I think I was definitely a bright orange, if not yellow.  I had a high GPA, worked hard to be a leader in every situation, sought ought creative solutions to the minor issues that seem HUGE in the relatively small scope of high school and was rewarded with the prestigious scholarship to my top choice college.  

I started college confident that I was still bright yellow, not realizing that I had just jumped into a much larger box. No, maybe not much larger, but this box was a lot brighter.  I mean this was like the neon pack of crayons with colors like, electric lime and neon carrot.  All of a sudden my little yellow faded into a much more mellow tone. I felt like sepia. Just ask my freshman year roommate how i used to come back after my monday night mac scholars class, bawling my eyes out because I couldn't add anything to the conversation.  My friends in the class were amazingly bright, casselbuddy was definitely a torch red, whitney: clear blizzard blue, plowden and chin were confident wild watermelon and shocking pink.  They and all the others were so fabulous and bright I wanted to sink into the shadows, but they refused to let me and in turn being in the brightness of these geniuses (seriously) I gleaned so much from their waxy residue I feel like post college I came out with a little bit of all of their colors.  Like when in grade school you take all the shavings from the bottom of your crayon pail and melt it between two sheets of wax paper to make a sun catcher? I feel like I am that blessed melange of all the colors that I encountered through my life.  

So now, "not the brightest crayon in the box" does not apply to me because there is no box. I have successfully escaped from all boxes and am forging my way forward full of flecks of every color in the rainbow. So thanks y'all and check this out, it is a list of all of the colors that crayola has named and each one is the perfect shade of brightness and complements all the rest just right, and each one reminds me of a different bright one who has helped me complete my suncatcher!

I love cities large enough to make you feel like you are in different worlds in the same day

I spent last Sunday in Atlanta enjoying a day of seeing the local eccentricities of atlanta with my friend, Alex, and then watching two of my very favorite friends get married! I love the similar energy in these two photos of two very different subjects in the same city on the same day: 

Cabbagetown bridge

Mr. and Mrs. Matt Tingle

Staying up until the magical hour

...when it becomes the following day and I find something to make me think or just enjoy. Its gorgeous everyday.

Also, this is nice to look at as well:

click on the picture for more info on this photographer who creates staged photo scenes from children's artwork. This one especially makes me happy because what little girl hasn't dreamed of a fabulous bedroom like that!

the voice that moves me lately

not to mention the lovely eyes of Sondre Lerche, so I did a little radio scrobbling and loved EVERY other artist they played similar, listen while you read:

So inspired by music and my fabulous friend in LA i have come up with some incredible projects to work on and present shortly. First a 25 day personal makeover, physical and spiritual. Both of these are a struggle for me lately and they really should be the strong center point of my ever changing life. so getting these straight is in order.  more to come on those later.

Next, I am going to write a book.  I am coming up on the 10 year anniversary of something that has defined a part of my life longer than anything else. so they say write what you know. i know this and i know other people who will relate to it. i am still playing around with the format whether to fictionalize it as a novel or more of a memoir. maybe even a trendy graphic novel (HA!  no.). 

Tonight i saw a staged reading of a play that was so real, it almost made me uncomfortable. ok it definitely made me uncomfortable.  It is about relationship between a husband and wife and her desire to have an affair.  sounds like you've heard it before until you hear the dialogue in the middle of the play when he confronts her about her desire, they speak so frankly and relate in a faux friendly manner. He even says to her, "If you want to sleep with him, i just want to know." It was this line in the play that i think allowed her to pursue her desire and was the real turning point.  So he gives her this "permission" but the tension is still there and left lingering over the audience. Originally the playright left it ambiguous as to whether the affair actually happened or not, but in this staging the director chose to make the question more about whether she regretted her decision, or if it really damaged her relationship. It was really brilliant and it all came from a local writer in my hometown, Terry Roeuche.  It was called Discretion, and it was presented as part of the Create Carolina workshop at Winthrop University.  I can't wait to come home and see more of the art that is coming out of the place that i had always considered destitute in the way of art.  turns out i just didn't know where to look. 

Its almost disconcerting, in  a way. I have always separated my life as an artist from my growing up in this town, even to the point that i felt superior that i was interested in and involved in this art scene that was bigger than my town could ever imagine. It was totally an elitist attitude that has been crushed (and rightfully so). There is so much to learn here. It was wrong of me to say that I HAD to be in NY in order to learn anything about the art world.  I think that not only is this the perfect place to start, it is NECESSARY that I start here. From the beginning. The book is part of that.

So recap, today i was inspired, creative, inspired again as my ego was gratefully crushed, and exhilarated by the beauty in my hometown. Looking forward to being humbled even more.

paid

with a painting of myself. too pretentious? 

I don't care,  it is still a beautiful painting from a fabulous painter. I am proud to call it my own.

fantastic(al)

thanks to my lovely emails from the NY Times Urban Eye section, I discover something new and gorgeous going on in the city I love from here in my suburban jungle (greenville is suburb, I don't care what you say).  Today I found this artist to inspire me. Ch-ch-ch-check it out

He uses embroidery to "subvert" the traditional images in classic toile fabric (a preppy favorite here in southern decor and sometimes even fashion).  What would my mother say if she came home and her couch was covered in clowns instead of 18th century courtesans (not really much difference in my mind, but i think she might be upset!).

Golden

These pictures are of Mr and Mrs Herbert Reading Danenhower. My grandparents.  They look like movie stars and last night we celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary.  It was a great party (thanks to my mom, she is really the best hostess, Happy Mother's Day, Mom!) that started with a gathering at our house around 4:30, complete with the whole family and surprise guests for cocktails and hors d'oeuvres and lasted through dinner, dancing, and even some rock band until 2:30 am! 

Now even though I didn't make it as late as everyone else I had a great time before hand creating a video for them with pictures of their wedding, all their kids, grandkids, all the homes they lived in, and everything in between.  Looking through all those pictures made me appreciate the idea of memories and time spent with family.  Also, this may be a little vain, but my family is Gorgeous!  Just look at my mom.

This picture and others, especially the little medium format pictures (you know the old square ones with the white edge) made me really interested in buying a vintage camera like an old polaroid, or even one of the reproduction Holga lomographic things.  But look no further than my awesome dad and the attic!

my new pride and joy, kodak duaflex iv from the late fifties. complete with press type flash.  I have yet to see if it works but i ordered some film, so we will see soon! Also he thinks he might have an old video camera at work, the super 8 kind! I feel a new project coming on!

Daddy doesn't really understand my excitement about old stuff. I like getting back to basics lately, just living simpler.  I am always rebelling against something.  Maybe now I am rebelling against my gotta have it now generation.  Photography is the perfect example.  The newer the camera, the quicker you see what you have, and you can take any shitty composition and manipulate it later with editing software. Sure its handy and can produce something that looks nice, but where is the planning?  It seems to me that just as much as the digital age creates new opportunities for creativity, it also perpetuates procrastination and downplays the training and talent necessary to be truly original sometimes.  I love technology, I do. But sometimes it compromises art by passing something off as a piece of artwork when it really was just an automatic adjustment setting on photo shop.  This annoys me.  More later...

and hopefully photos too!

ps if anyone knows a good developer of vintage film let me know!

"Scotch neat"..."Double scotch neat"

I LOVE movies with redemptive themes. Especially ones that portray the most disgusting characters that even their mothers would find impossible to love, then life beats them to shit and then creates a turn of events so radical that you want to be their best friends. I think life is like that, people who are overcome things are so much more attractive.

ps there are lots of quotable moments from this movie, but i think my favorite is this:

"...he proclaims that he began to see a rhythm in everything... a pattern in the visual world around him.  You know, could SEE music."

encouraging thoughts with perfect timing

So i have been a little stressed out lately, mainly about money.  I am struggling to figure out how to live within my means and still enjoy life at my age.  And finding a job that pays more seems to be challenging in today's downward spiral of economic crisis.  So its really no wonder that my sleeping is fitful and anxiety level is super high.  But there are a few things that came to my attention yesterday that put a positive spin on things.

First, we received an email from the owner of the company yesterday with the most uplifting message.  She says that when she is fretting over something she clings to her husband's wise words: "Worrying is the opposite of creative thinking." Now for an artist, this alone had a loud resonance seeing that i cannot live without some sort of creative outlet each day.  But she went on to explain even further why this is true: "worrying constricts the blood vessels in the brain while creative thinking opens them up, allowing the blood to flow, carrying precious oxygen to all parts of the body, so that we function at our greatest potential."

She also encouraged us to think of the motto of the Outward Bound program, "The only way to get out of it, is to get into it." Get into what? Well for this wonderful lady, it was her passion to help the people of mexico, to share the joy of her finding treasures on her travels with other people and to build an awesome family business.  I admire her and her creative vision so much.  We aren't just schlepping jewelry, we are making little differences in the world everyday.

So what do I have to "get into" in order to get out of my funk? I have to get back to the one thing that has always been my constant stronghold. My faithful Lord.  Psalm 94:18-19 is a passage of great rejoicing in the the comfort of the Lord:

"When I said, 'my foot is slipping,'

your love, O LORD, supported me.

When anxiety was great within me,

your consolation brought joy to my soul."

These verses serve as a constant reminder to me that no matter what is wrong I don't have to be afraid to ask for help, i just have to do it! And getting into it doesn't mean i make million or change the world today, today it means the little things in preparation for the big stuff.... cleaning, grocery shopping, paying bills, working out. I have to get this stuff out of the way so I can change the world tomorrow!

Invigorating

I am spending the weekend visiting one of my favorite places to call home and am just feeling truly full of love.  I have been here about 25 hours and every minute has been filled with sharing stories of the last year with people I really care about and who care about me.

I am staying with four of the greatest women I have ever met.  I learned what living really means with these girls.  It doesn't matter when or where I see them they never fail to invigorate and inspire me with their faith, passion, interests, commitments.  this is them:

(sorry, I found this picture somewhere i don't remember and I like to picture myself in pink seat!) photo cred: B.Mollenkof

Coming back makes me realize how much I took for granted in my former higher elevation habitat.  Conversations that shape your life happen every few hours.  A person who you will know forever is around each corner.  Music that thrills your soul is played in live, impromptu mini concerts on a nice afternoon. The colors here are more vibrant, even the gray fog. Plus... you are blessed with a generous helping of homemade pancakes on Saturday morning. Why did I ever leave?

Dream a Little Dream of Me

Oh, yay!!! Zooey Deschanel has made an album with no less that the AMAZING M.Ward.  My heart overflows with joy when I listen to this album. It is perfect for driving the thousands of miles I am putting on my little car this spring.  It goes well with fresh air, new friends, and the daffodils on the mountain that I am going to see on Friday! more zooey here at the erin featherston fashion show with a classic:

But this upbeat soundtrack really suits life right now.  I am uber joyous.  I got into grad school! finally, a little direction.  I will be getting my masters in arts administration, concentrating on the non profit sector.  I will learn how to raise funds to make other artists' dreams come true and create programs to make communities and arts intertwine! I am so excited, I just need to find a way to pay for it.

I am just so happy that I am one step closer to the goal that will be the pinnacle of my career: having an article published in ArtForum.  One day ...

read this book...

... and don't ever complain again. now get off your ass and go do what you want to do. you don't need resources or connections, but if you have 'em it makes things a heck of a lot easier. The American Dream still exists. This guy did it!

And by the way, Adam is incredible. I had the opportunity to meet him last week and have to say that he is one of the smartest, most interesting people I have ever met. I cannot wait to see where his life goes next.
 

read the intro and more here

artistic nutrition

tonight i spent the evening in the presence of artists fulfilling each other's desires to create and learn from other's creations. I modeled for a class at ric standridge's studio and the energy stimulated was incredible (even with only 3 students) i have been a part of this little community since february and am embraced as both artist and model simply because we all revel in the act of "markmaking" (ric's fabulous term). but tonight was different because I got to witness him painting, and with one ten minute pose, he created a work similar to this. and with four 5 minute poses he created another work that was breathtaking as well.

His advice that continues to ring in my head is "fearless, be fearless" and "keep it simple"

you can check out more of ric's work here

Falling Slowly - from the movie 'Once'

I love men with beards. and accents. Oh and INSANE musical talent. You can't help but love this song (and movie.)

Moral Dilemmas in a fallen world

I just watched an incredible film that was like watching the layers of tissue peeled back to reveal the internal organs of society only they have been all misplaced and reattached in improper ways. It was called Gone Baby Gone, Directed by Ben Affleck and based on a novel by Dennis Lehane, and it received great reviews and critical acclaim.



It was expertly acted which was central being that each layer of plot was revealed through the introduction (or the exit) of a character. Another vital part was the attention given to the rough and tumble south boston neighborhood where the story takes place. Affleck makes you sympathetic to the main character who expresses with his opening soliloquy that one's identity is tied up in where they come from even if they don't choose it. And the grimy scenes and harsh language make you pity the people who live there and rejoice with those who have come out of it. These things only build up the moral conflict that you are left with once the credits begin to roll: Whose right is it to take responsibility for children? Is defending the truth always the right answer? How much trust is too much when it comes to our legislative and judicial system?
Great movie, watch it and think about what you would do.

sorry to be so dark and gloomy and thought provoking, time to pick up some Jane Austin...

new colors and look for spring

winter sucked, so i disappeared for a while but...

I am back, please excuse the prolonged absence, i was trying to create a life for myself, i have resigned to letting God do that for me. So, we wait for his move. I applied to graduate school. waiting for a decision. I am thinking about LA as an option, or charleston, or charlotte. maybe china or india. I really can't make any moves yet until i hear from school. so we check the mail everyday and harass the department with phone calls. In the meantime I spend awkward holidays with my family, dress snazzy for parties, and throw my heart out to whoever will take care of it for a while (usually quite detrimental to my emotional state, but hey it fills the time).
Another great way to fill the time: chick lit. I am currently reading quite a few (I needed a break from my typical literary diet of mid twentieth century southern writers)



The Other Boleyn Girl
by Philippa Gregory
I haven't seen the film yet but the book gives me the chance to use the word scintillating a lot!



Skinny Bitch
Seriously the authors come off as bitches but the no nonsense vegan lifestyle book kinda makes sense. I mean how many other animals drink the lactation from another species? NONE. its actually a very practical lifestyle. I am not fully converted yet (growing up in a household where every weekend in the winter worked around when daddy came back from his hunting land and summers were spent shooting skeet and learning about why hunters are essential to conservation makes me a little hesitant to go totally veg) But it is interesting and has some good points.



Emma
Of course the quintessential chick lit author herself couldn't be left out. Jane really makes fighting the last bit of winter bearable. I have actually started a little book club with the girls at work. we are going to discuss one Jane novel a month. This month is Emma. If you want in, let me know!

But of course as every ADD reader knows, I have already started to get antsy and look for the next addition to my list "to read" and it is polar opposite!